The Broken In Spirit

There're alot of sad souls around me lately.

Everywhere I turn, I'm confronted with crying faces and sobbing hearts.

I guess this is the Maker's way of leaving me no time to think about my own unhappiness. As a pillar of strength to those I love, I cannot afford to be weak.

Friends, lovers, society, family.

Different people with different problems but nevertheless the same pain.

It's a bad time for many.

I'm planning to move to Australia by the way. It's out of point but in a way, I cannot deal with my situation over here.

Anyone wants to go downunder with me?

We can get a nice big house with a nice big door which will shut out the big bad wolf.

Hokay, before I turn into my 8 year-old persona, let me just end this post.

'And I'm saying a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight' - Tyler (Aerosmith)

(Update: London's cool too ;) )

To Someone

I don't know if you read my entries anymore even though I know you did a long long time ago.

Even so.

I know how bad life is at the moment for you and nomatter how articulate I am with words of comfort, you'd have probably heard them over a million times from different faces.

It's not that I do not know. It's not that I do not care. Afterall, you were someone I had feelings for, even if it was for a short while.

Here's to let you know, I know.

I know what happened and I know it hurts.

And if it helps, I want to give you a big big hug. To cover you from the world and what she can do to you.

But I doubt it would make a difference.

What can my concern do for you that the rest hasn't already done?

Friends and loved ones who mean more have said their pieces and played their parts.

I didn't feel whatever I say or do would make a difference to you.

Hence the silence.

But if anything, my heart and prayers were with you.

Maybe if we've remained friends, I could at least be physically there for you. But like I said, I know you're always surrounded by concerned somebodies and maybe that's enough. At least for me.

Pull through this. And know there are more out there who cares about you still. Even if you don't know they do.

Know that it's hard for me too. To want to ask how you are but not being able to do so.

There's no doubt we would've been best friends, if not partners. Because if there was one thing we believed in before humans failed us, it was loyalty.

Be well you.

Here's a glass of JD, just for you.

I Am A Bee

Do not believe anyone who claims they are busy but yet could still update their journals on a somewhat regular basis.

For I am the truly busy one and for the love of me, could not even afford 5 minutes to post an entry nomatter how hard I tried.

For cryin' out loud, it's 4.42am and I am posting this just because I wonder when I'd ever get another chance to again.

I have been so busy. And it's all true.

I would love so much to update on the fabulous time I had when he came over, on the fabulous time I had on my birthday, on the fabulous Friday that just passed and gosh, I could go on.

But time is not on my side.

I am finally getting down to doing what I was supposed to do close to half a year ago. And man, those floodgates. Dang!

This is what you get when you leave things alone for too long.

And right now, I have to go offline so he can call to say goodnight. It's 9.48pm where he's at and he HAS TO sleep at 10pm because he's a sick li'l boy now and he needs all the rest he can get.

He's been off work for a week. That's how sick he is.

Hokay, li'l boy's getting impatiento.

A guy can be such a girl when he's ill, no?

Happy Birthday To Me.

And so it is.

My birthday, that is.

'You don't want to be nursing a hangover on your birthday. That's silly'. I remember saying that to Greg who celebrated his birthday 2 days before mine.

Maybe I should just shut up sometimes.

For I, too, am nursing a hangover after last night's very wild bash.

Suffice to say, I ended up paying for alcohol I did not order just to knock it (and the whole table) off when I lost my footing. $12 for a tiny glass of JD and not even a sip. Yes, I was drunk.

Oh and, I ate some plants outside the club.

I was mighty drunk according to him.

Will update more details later. He is flying back to England tomorrow morning and I wanna spend the last remaining minutes putting masque on him before we head off for what I hope will be a lovely dinner with the family.

We have too much to do and too little time to waste.

Every minute is precious.

Seconds even.

So there. My bitter-sweet birthday. Happy yet sad.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME DAMMIT.

PS: Thank you y'all who gave me your wishes.

Sweet & Sour

It is now 4.30am and I've only got 2 minutes to post a quickie before my head hits the pilly.

We are having so good a time and spending so much a money. Haha. ALL WORTH IT.

The purpose of this post is for me to read it again 5 days later so the me 5 days later could mope and be envious of the me now.

Whatever for, I do not know.

I only know the me now have him for another 5 days whilst the me 5 days later would be sending him home.

Gosh. I am so weird.

I am not making sense because I am really in a bitter-sweet-and-sour situation. And of course it's 4.39am in the morning.

He wants me to enjoy whatever days we have left passionately, wildly and crazily and not brood over the inevitable.

I shall try. I shall try not to show him a frown coupled with a 'Please don't go back!' after every 6 steps when we are out.

I am so happy and yet so sad. So sweet and yet so sour.

Tough feeling to describe and tougher to have.

We'd be having another fun-packed long day tomorrow so I gotta hop into bed now.

And then it'd be 4 days.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The Hour Is Near

Just got back from Winebar. Am a li'l tipsssssssssssssssssssssy.

Called him right after I got home and he's already at Heathrow, although he did SMS me earlier about this delay on the tube [which got me worried like fuck]. Everything's going as planned now so I am happy.

Another 13 hours and I'd be seeing him. The girl can't wait.

I was at ICB earlier tonight [before Winebar] and saw a couple of familiar but insignificant faces. It's sad how things turned out but hey, there's just so much one can do. It's no big loss if you really think about it. Being friends then burdened me with loadsa unnecessary responsibilities and obligations and I really think I'm better off without them. What's a friendship if you feel like Big Brother's constantly monitoring your life and nit-picking on your every action? No fun I tell ya. Hell, they even found it their god-given 'duty' to dictate my love life. I sure do not need that!

That brings to mind. Don't you just HATE 'friends' who poke their ugly noses into all your affairs but when you have no more gossip-worthy information/news to share, they treat you like a total nobody? I mean, they will really act as though you aren't there. Not even a civil 'hi' when both pairs of eyes meet. BUT. Once they smell any new gossip they think you might have (yes, people can be darn observant), they're onto you like a freakin' hairy monkey on your back.

I think I've really done my best with that friendship, doing things I wouldn't normally do [and then hating myself for being so stupid]. But they were NEVER happy with my effort and I felt graded all the time. All the fuckin' time. Like they were some gods. I never knew why I felt this need to please them, or rather, this need to not make them pissed off with me [and they always found something to be pissed off about]. A friendship is all about selection and then acceptance and not this expectation for certain criteria to be met when there was no right to have those criteria in the first freakin' place. I say this in contradiction to my principle of having criteria for friends. Lemme explain.

Yes, we should all have our criteria when choosing friends [as well as choosing a partner] - selection phase. Then, knowing the person as a friend, we accept them. For them, it's a mass of confusion. I am sometimes a friend and sometimes not. They set expectations to their convenience. I have always just been an object of discussion for their very sad and boring lives.

If they treated me as a friend and I fell short of their expectations, I welcome their chastisement, blame, and what-have-yous. But why do I always only get the nasties of a supposed friendship and none of the sugar and spice? Anything without a proper balance isn't worth having or keeping. Such a one-sided friendship is truly not my thing.

Gosh, I should just let it go now. Although knowing me, I'd be back on this topic again in the near future.

So. After ICB, I went to Winebar with Gary to meet his friends. Had more to drink and if I didn't stop myself, I would've thrown up without a doubt. Beer starts to taste like shit after the sixth pint. I was never a beer-drinker. The pocket dictates that I be one for now.

I just hope the hangover's nothing too major coz I still have to entertain Mr VIP tomorrow.

Oh dearie, the anticipation is killing me!

Needa go to bed now if I am to get up in time to pick him from Changi.

Ta-ra y'all.

To Be Arrived

He will be flying in to spend my birthday with me.

I am really excited about it but like all good things, it will and must come to an end eventually.

Hell, I am just going to enjoy what I can and live for each moment!

This is going to be the best week in a long long long damn fuckin' while.

Will update more. Been cleaning up them li'l pups' frequent poo and I am pooped (lame pun).

Gotta put the boys to bed.

Later.

A note to Blogger: PLEASE do not let me relive the same horror from a year back on my birthday. It took me alot alot of courage to place my trust back in you. DO NOT FAIL ME AGAIN. I might not be so strong this time. Just don't be mean. It's neither nice nor funny to be that traumatised on one's birthday.