To God

Even if it's not meant to be, please let it be. I want to, have to, need to let it be. You can't break my heart and smash my world into pieces with a cruel 'not meant to be'. You should know by now how utterly much I love him. I cannot, will not live without him.

- a note to God.

(UPDATE: Funny how I have no idea what this post was about. It can't be about any man, that's for sure.)

2 Guys & A Sister

There is this movie I wanna watch bad and I'd be catching it tonight.

I had a choice.

I could catch it with my sister or with 2 good-looking guys.

2 guys and I'd be the only girl.

2 guys and they'd pick me up.

2 guys and they'd send me home.

2 guys and they'd pay for the tickets.

I chose my sister.

WHY?

I am acting out of character.

ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!

Although I did let out a groan of resignation when I realised I made the appointment with my sister 3 minutes before the guys' invitation.

I have my principles too you know.

But damn.

I hate principles.

Of Drafts & Publications

I realise I have this nasty ass habit.

I always keep my posts in drafts. Why am I always so hesitant in publishing my posts? The beauty is kinda lost if a post goes through multiple editing, no?

I had this conversation 7 years ago with someone special then. Just before he left for England.

Me: I wrote you a letter by the way.

Him: Let me have it.

Me: I don't know if I should. Maybe not now. Look, I'd read it through once and see if I'm ready to hand the letter to you or if there are things in the letter I'd much rather you not know for the time being. I mean, maybe I could rephrase myself or something, ya know?

Him: I want the letter as it is. It's what you wanted to say to me at a particular time. Further, people don't & can't edit the things they say in real life. And that's how it's meant to be. The first draft of a letter is always the most sincere. It always contains what you really mean and intend. Don't change or devalue what you have to say.

He wanted the letter so bad I regretted bringing it up. In fact, he drove me home specially to get the letter 10 minutes after I brought it up. Maybe he was afraid I might really edit the letter if I were to pass it to him another time.

As it went, he got offended by what was written and stopped communication with me. I don't know but I think he expected something romantic or sweet but I really didn't say/imply it was anything like that.

So much for 'don't devalue what you have to say' huh?

I roll my eyes.

Truth be told, I was devastated when he chose to react the way he did because I really didn't think the letter would have such an effect on him.

I had no chance to explain myself by the way. Something good got trashed over a stupid letter I didn't wanna show him in the first place. Moronic. I should have gotten it edited before telling him about it really.

I guess this means I'm still gonna draft my posts and get them edited before I publish the final product.

Maybe it's still better this way.

Schnauzer Love

My sister brought one of 'em li'l pups home. We are thinking of keeping the little one so we started training him to sleep in our yard.

That poor darling whined and cried the whole night. My heart melted and I released the li'l one back to where us humans were sitting around in the living area. However, I got reproved and so back into the yard went li'l pup. Truth is, he was mad tired but couldn't and wouldn't sleep without human company. Still, if we're going to keep him, he's gonna have to abide by rules and be trained.

I've had my cuddles with him the whole night and so I reluctantly allowed him to be placed back into the yard for his and our own future good.

I got up earlier than usual this afternoon and sprung outta bed quick as lightning because my arms yearned for him. He was nowhere to be found and I felt my eyes getting warm.

I text-ed my sister and she replied 'Mom told me to bring the pup back for the weekend because you are not going to be home tonight'.

Awmannn. I would've cancelled my appointment to stay with him.

My sister will be in Thailand over the weekend and so I guess it'd be Monday before I lay eyes on my li'l darling. I love him so much already.

So yes, tonight I'd be going out and meeting new people. Don't know where I'd be at yet. Probably ICB for a tad and later, China One.

Ohyea, J sent me his recent picture. It's been 5 months since I last saw him.

I'm still giggling.

Road Hump

I have to apologise.

There is a hitch in my move over from Friendster.

I am unable to transfer my entire Friendster journal over because Friendster and I are currently not on talking terms. And they refused to let me access my journal. Darn it.

So I've only managed to transfer bits and pieces some time ago.

If you are interested at all, come back and click on the archives sometime next month (hopefully I'd get my acccess back by then from Friendster). If not, erm, okay.

Whatever it is, the entire journal will be transferred over as soon as I find out what beef Friendster has with me. They will be archived.

PS: I did nothing wrong and am not banned from Friendster. Just cannot seem to access my journal.

Happy Birthday Mr J

HAPPY BIRTHDAY J!

And that is because I know you like blue. =)

I hope your first day with [the company you work for now] went ok and I want you to know that I'm really proud of you. I've always been proud of you especially since you've always managed to achieve so much more than I have at half the amount of effort put in.

I hope you also realised that I'm hard on you at times for really good reasons. At other times, I was just being mean. Heh.

Alrighty, I shall leave whatever I have to say to when we next speak on the phone.

Happy Birthday again.

You li'l cutie pie, you.