Holy Canceroony!

Ok, these days I love analysing my dreams.

I dreamt I had cancer last night. And ...

Cancer

To dream that you have cancer, denotes hopelessness, grief, self-pity, and unforgiveness. You feel you are wasting your life away. This dream also represents areas in your life which are bothering you, disturbing you, and hurting you in some emotional way.

Holy shit. Feeling like I'm wasting my life away is SPOT ON. Everyone who knows me can verify that.

To update, my foot is alot better. I can now walk, very slowly. My injury was worse than I first thought. I had been too grossed out to take a proper look at it before but I was forced to look at it while I was at the doctor's.

Man, the flesh on my ankle is gone too! So I had two fresh, raw open wounds. On my heel and on my ankle. Shit, my foot looked disgusting. Plus, my foot became all swollen and bruised 3 days after the accident. It was so swollen I couldn't see my ankle-bone. Took some anti-inflammatory pills and the swelling went down a tad. Now I can see my ankle-bone but it's kinda naked because I need to grow some flesh there back first.

Got a big night on Friday so I'm praying I can start walking properly again.

My mom was so cute. I told her the other day I might be going to a friend's place to watch DVDs. She said 'Are you sure you can make it with that foot?' I replied positively and she went on 'Is it only going to be you and that guy? Are his parents going to be around? Coz you know, you can't really run if anything happens to you...'. Right. My mom thinks all my friends wanna rape me when they ask me over to their place.

More dream analysis coming up. I know, I know but sock it!

Achilles Heel

I got a literal Achilles' heel 2 nights ago.

Foot got caught in the wheel of Brandon's bike. Yes, while it was speeding down the road. My track shoe got removed up to half my foot. The flesh on my heel, gone.

It was blindingly painful. I was intoxicated and that helped buffer some of the pain (you know how alcohol increases your threshold for pain..). If I hadn't drank that night, I'd probably have passed out from the pain. Alcohol does good, sometimes.

We were around 2 minutes from my place when the mishap happened. I felt a sharp pain and next thing I knew, my shoe was nearly falling off my mutilated foot.

By the time we got home, I was woozy and about to faint. I couldn't comprehend what was going on and was feeling disoriented. I had to be supported off the bike and plonked onto the pavement.

Brandon pushed a piece of tissue against my bleeding wound and I was just trying to keep from fainting. We spent five minutes fussing over my foot before he escorted me to the lift. My heel couldn't touch the ground. I couldn't walk steadily and had to hobble and limp my way home.

Went to the doctor the next day but not before my mom nearly tore my head off (she never allowed me on bikes after one accident on one). This time was my bad because my mom constantly chimes 'No bikes' everytime before I leave the house. I hadn't listened to her and I paid for it.

I still kept my appointment with Max, although we went to his place for DVDs instead of the cinema for movies. The M brothers were really concerned about my foot and I felt like their little princess sister. Ah..... why the hell did I get sisters? Big EEW!

My foot is getting better although I still get intense pain now and then (especially the first few steps after rest). I still can't use my heel and I don't think I can for at least another 3 days. I have to go back to the doctor's on Monday.

One thing that disappointed me though. Brandon didn't ask about my foot at all since that night. In fact, I haven't heard from him since. It's not very nice of him is it? Well, if that's what it takes to know the friends we have, I guess it's kinda worth the pain.

No wait. No shit can be worth this much pain.

My Name is Sharky

It's weird. I dreamt about a shark last night. One of my many nicknames is Sharky (from a good friend Debbie after I bit her countless times).

Shark

To see a shark in your dream, represents a person whom you see as greedy and unscrupulous. This person goes after what what he or she wants with no regards to the well-being and sensitivity of others. The shark may also be an aspect of your own personality which exhibit these qualities. Alternatively, you may be going through a difficult, painful, or unpleasant emotional period. The shark symbolizes feelings of anger, hostility, and fierceness. You may be an emotional threat to yourself or to others.

Hmm... it has to be right. I'm going through an emotional hurricane these days.

By the way, just so you know, I dream every single night. Some good, some bad but all liberating.

Also, there was a ....

Waterfall

To see a waterfall in your dream, is symbolic of letting go. You are releasing all those pent up emotions and negative feelings. The dream may also represent your goals and desires. In particular, if the waterfall is clear, then it represents revitalization and renewal.

To dream that you are at the bottom of the waterfall, suggests that you are feeling emotionally overwhelmed. You are experiencing difficulties in coping with your feelings.

I don't know but I am starting to believe this crap.

Losing Blood

It would've been so easy if it was purely emotional. For I have mastered the trick emotionally. I have taught my heart how not to break. But how do you keep yourself from crying when your whole life hinged upon it?

My heart didn't break. My life got smashed into smithereens.

I dreamt I bled. And continued bleeding. This really cute guy (cute guys who are interested in me always only appear in my dreams) came to my aid. I was wearing a white dress and the blood soaked it a crimson red.

'I'd call you in 12 days'. He had told me in my dream. 'And you must stop bleeding.'

When I woke up, I wept because I realised that guy does not exist.

'Please remember to call me' I whispered in desperation amidst streams of tears.

Dreams are my only form of release. I am always happy in my dreams. Even if I am having a nightmare. When I wake up, I scream. There is noone to hear me because I am always alone at home.

Dreams give you hope. False hope but still hope. Hope that he'd call in 12 days.
Waking up smashes that hope. Reality mocks you in your face. Noone would call in 12 days. A present from reality.

There is this barrier between me and the place I should really be at. The people I should really be with. Everyone in my dreams love me. They can't wait to see me every night. I hate to return to this hell hole everytime my dog barks.

Blood. Let's see what it says.

Blood

To see blood in your dream, represents life, love, and passion as well as disappointments.

To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood, signifies that you are suffering from exhaustion or that you are feeling emotionally drained. It may also denote bitter confrontations between you and your friends. Your past actions has come back to haunt you.

I am so tired. Emotionally drained is an understatement. Wouldn't it be swell to wake up only to find that you're in your dreams permanently?

Have you ever felt so tired you can't find a word to describe it?

I wonder if anyone ever felt this exhaustion I am feeling.

I can't wait to go to sleep. It's the only thing I look forward to these days. Waking up can be a fat-assed bitch though.

How do you not wake up?

I Noo [dles] It!

I dreamt I had spaghetti last night. With quite a few meatballs.

As usual, I consulted a site on dream analysis.

Spaghetti

To see or eat spaghetti in your dream, indicates that you are feeling entangled in some messy relationship. Perhaps you are not sure how to end a relationship or situation. You may find yourself in an uncomfortable position.

Holy Macaroni! And I suppose 'em meatballs symbolise chunks of lardy, stinkin' unhealthiness.

Aside from 2002, this has got to be one of the worst periods in my life.

But damn, those spags were yummy!