Fallen but alive

Unfortunately for many, I am still alive! That is as bad as bad news can get no?

I went to the doctor 29 hours after my fall and she prescribed me some meds which I am already off by now. I feel fine but one never knows what damage's already done inside the head until one does certain acts that stink of psychosis. I think.

I hope biting my dog (now more on a regular basis) doesn't count. He is just too cute. In fact, I am quite certain I have the cutest dog in the whole ....ok, in Singapore.

Anyways, some updates.

1) My dad is back from Australia (BOO HOO!) and is destroying things along the way. The computer went and I think the sound system is next.

2) My dad annihilated the computer (refer to above). Lost everything (equivalent to half my life) on it. My programs, my settings, my documents, my files, my folders, my documents, my music and most importantly, my photos. The one thing I cannot get over is the loss of Nike's baby photos. Those, I can and will never get back.

I hate my dad.

So, he had to pay some alleged IT expert to fix the computer. I asked the IT man to recover as many files/programs/whatever as he could (J told me it was possible). To which he replied 'Can you give me the names of the files you want recovered?'

Great.

Look, I lost everything. I am desperate. I want everything back. But only if possible. It hardly makes sense for me to sit down with him and go 'Ok, please recover Nike_and_Sha.jpg, you_idiot.jpg, J_and_I.jpg, etc' for the tens of photos and hundreds of documents and programs YEA? IT expert my yellow ass.

I told him 'No. I cannot give you the names of the files I want recovered. My plea here is for you to recover what is possible, if not everything. Those that are lost forever, I understand and I blame my dad. It does not make any sense for me to give you the names of every file and program I have on the computer even if my hobby was to memorise the names of every program and file in my computer. Do you get it?'

In the end, he managed to recover some files and programs (although many became just empty shells if you know what I mean which I don't think you do and I cannot be bothered to explain) which rendered his earlier 'Can you give me the names of the files you want recovered?' absolutely redundant and stupid.

So the computer is back but it feels weird because although I am typing on the same keyboard and looking at the same monitor, somehow everything feels different. I lost all my familiar programs and settings. I have no idea what is now on my computer. Fonts and images double in size, icons are different, programs, files and folders are all over the place. My computer is as messed up as my life. Now I am seriously beginning to wonder if my dad has a part to play in both.

In a nutshell, it's like getting back with an ex after a long period of separation. You know him but don't know him. That familiar feeling is gone. Routines are broken. A stop is put on actions you used to take without thinking.

I miss my old one but I know to really move on, I'd need to get a new one (The old one isn't the same anymore anyways).

And one I needn't share with anyone. Especially my dad.

Eew. I should've stopped the analogy in my head first.

I meant the computer.

For now, I'd make do with this pile of crap. Since I've lost everything I've done on it, it now no longer feels like even partially mine.

3) J is coming to Singapore again to see me! He'd be here for longer than he was so yay! We're going to have fun whether he (or my mom) likes it or not.

4) My sister went to Australia and yes, that means Nike is solely in my care again (but since when has Nike not been solely in my care? Fuck, scrap this line)

5) At least 2 more weeks before my dad goes back to Australia. Man, this lady can't wait!

6) I've decided to not visit anyone this CNY. I just don't feel like interacting with stupid people who'd be unhealthily and suspiciously interested in my life.

7) Can some higher being zap my dad back to where he should be? I'd pay.

8) The reason why I numbered my 'update' (the clueful would be able to tell that 'update' is used loosely) is so I needn't find a reason why my paragraphs/topics don't flow. Seriously, I think like that. In bits and pieces randomly and irrelevantly. In fact, someone once told me I'm the most irrelevant person he knows. Or maybe he said irreverent. Hell.

9) I'd be getting my very first digicam! Okay, I am late and slow. But you're ugly and nasty.

10) I have a date for Valentine's Day! And I think it's going to be a good one this year.

11) There exists a slight possibility of me being introduced to a minor celebrity. Someone from 'Survivor Guatemala'. Those who ever discussed that series with me would know which someone I'm referring to!

So there.

If I had fallen and died, these are the things I would have missed out/be missing out on.

Grim Reaper's Seduction

An hour ago, I got out of my bathroom and slipped.

I fell backwards and hit my head hard against the corner of the wall beside the bathroom door.

I blacked out for a split second before the pain set in.

My head, my hand, my spine, my hip. They were killing me.

I couldn't stop bawling. I thought I was going to die. The pain was immense.

My mom ran out of the kitchen, collapsed into a kneel and cradled me like a baby. Then she wept as she massaged my head with determined desperation.

My sister then revealed that she's fallen a couple of times herself and hit her head against the wall once too. However, she said my fall was worse because it was L.O.U.D.

My house must be haunted. We are being assaulted by poltergeists! That, or the Grim Reaper needs to hit his quota.

My mom wanted to send me to the hospital (it was quite a hard knock) but I said it's pointless because doctors nowadays would not entertain you unless and until you can show hard evidence that the Grim Reaper is hovering somewhere around you.

As a matter of fact, this is what the doctor would say.

'Monitor the situation and come back when you experience symptoms of a concussion'.

To which I'm sure I'd reply: 'Why don't I come back when I am in a coma?'

I don't need to pay any idiot to tell me that.

But you do know what this means right?

I've killed as many brain cells as a month of hard binge drinking would.

I know! Like I haven't killed enough already. My mind's fucked enough.

The more I try to cut down on drinking to save 'em cells, the more and faster I lose them.

Seriously though, if anything happens to me, I'd like to say a proper goodbye here.

Goodbye.

That's about it.

So if you don't see this journal updated....

....oops.


PS: My mom refuses to let me go sleep! She keeps saying 'Don't sleep now.' She is so cute. I have to assure her I'd get up the next day. Although I don't even know for sure myself.

It's quite cool to predict one's own death and have it documented really. I'd be a really cool dead chick! I feel so sleepy now. Uh oh.

Personality Test

Few people know this but I enjoy taking 'personality' tests. The more detailed and complicated, the more interested I am.

Just did one 2 minutes ago.

Here are my results.


WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

You are a person who is keeping things to yourself.

You are a bit more choosy on friends and only hangout with those whom you think are on the same frequency. (omg, this is so accurate. I have no time for people on another frequency)

What you want in your life is half fullfilled.

You are weak in your life and tends to be fragile.

You have high sex drive.

You have a few good friends in your life.

Your last relationship is good and it's still fresh in your heart.

Even when your partner is around you, you will flirt around with others.

You've got a low ego.

A humble personality is in you.

You get average bond with your friends. (well it's not easy when you hate humans!)

Your partner is pure and good in your heart.

Your partner is a very homely and humble person.

You seek your partner whenever you are met with problems.

I have to admit. This is fuckin' good analysis. Got almost everything spot on. Of course there is that one which is NOT TRUE at all.....






How absurd! Not true, not true at all....




....





My last relationship wasn't good (how good could it be if I had to trash it?) and it definitely is NOT fresh in my heart. Can hardly remember that dude's name really.

Guess the rest are all freakishly true. Almost to a fault.

Man, there must be more to such self-analysis tests than pure bullshit.

Reconciliation

J called me up in hysterics after reading my entry on his recent demise in my world.

He was sobbing so hard I could barely make out what he was trying to say.

I calmed him down and it was after that I heard him choked 'Please. Don't do this to me. If you go ahead with this, I will be ruined.'

I tried to console and comfort. Most importantly, I tried to make him see sense.

'No you do not understand. You can't do this.' he insisted.

I stood firm and told him that I have to do this for myself.

There was an awkward silence. He could be heard sobbing softly.

'I am finished' he muttered softly.

I told him 'I am sorry. So sorry J'.

I never knew I meant so much to him. When a guy would shed tears for you, you must mean something.

I couldn't bear to hear him sniffle. I was about to cave. Maybe he deserves another chance. Afterall, cutting him completely off is a tad drastic. Besides, he was a good friend.

'J......come on' I softly encouraged.

'No. You don't understand' he snapped. And then he continued 'You cannot do this to me. I've already bought the ticket to Singapore and it's peak period so this would mean I busted 600 odd pounds for nothing.'

....................................

THAT, was awkward!

===================================================================

The above DID NOT happen. I made it up.

What really happened was that J did call and we've decided that I shouldn't and wouldn't cut him off totally. Starting the new year with a soft heart is so not the smart thing.

But he knows too much about me. If we stop talking and I stop knowing what is going on, I might have to kill him.

What's a girl to do eh?

And he did get me something I really wanted for X'mas. Plus another mystery gift that somehow nobody knows what or where it is (cept for J of course).

So maybe I should try to be less drastic? Least I could do no?

But hell, it's my decision so there is no need for justifications.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2006.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2006.

I don't know why the fuck people are so happy when another year's passed but hell, I hope everyone have a good year ahead.

Though people are still going to die or get hurt. And shit is still going to happen.

You do know that right?

Noone finishes a year without getting hurt in a way or another.

Someone WILL at least get a paper cut. That hurts too. No?

Hearts are going to be broken. People are going to be betrayed. Faith and trust are going to be lost. Relationships are going to be ruined. Death is going to be one year closer.

Just because you wish it wouldn't happen doesn't mean it wouldn't.

Hey, it's just another year.

I know I'm a damn pooper but that's reality and brutal honesty for you.

I still don't get the fuss every 1st January.

I know the constantly-happy out there would say that it's good to look forward to positive things in the coming year. And even for someone like me, I do believe that good things WILL happen this new year.

But the good wipes out the bad and vice versa so what is the point in celebrating?

I really don't know but this is just my side of the glass.

To those who believe anyways, HAPPY NEW YEAR and may good things come your way.