Hang-me-over

Ohhh......my head. I feel like 10 milliom ceramic balloons are being blown up inside my head.

I keep forgetting hangovers are not nice.

Everything tastes like mud.

Your insides become as sensitive as a newborn's bottom

You just wanna barf your guts out.

Can I say I'm gonna quit drinking? Will you believe me?

Damn, I NEED A CURE FOR HANGOVERS!

I want my martinis and drink it too. =)

The Point

This week has been hell for me emotionally.

I've lost trust in the most important person in my life who chose to betray me without batting an eyelid.

And this incident changed me and my beliefs completely.

Overnight, I acquired a new set of principles. A new point of view. Things took a drastic change. I began to see the whole world differently. And all this is scaring me.

As usual, J was around to catch my fall.

He called me at 4.15am and we spoke for a while.

Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, I looked out into the dark grey sky and felt that it was a perfect time to die. Unfortunately, I couldn't butcher myself in the middle of a conversation. Especially a long-distance one. That would be just rude.

Ok, I had a point. In fact, I had a paragraph on it but decided it would take 10 more lengthy paragraphs to make my point. I couldn't be bothered so I deleted that lone paragraph altogether since it wasn't enough to make my point. Instead, I'd rather use this paragraph to explain how I had a point but it would take me more paragraphs to make that point than to explain why I end up not making that point afterall.

Ok, I was being irritating........

Don't know why but I feel like I'm dozing off while I type.

Maybe death would be this easy.

Later y'all.

Guilt

I can't believe I'm crying now. Well, more like weeping.

The guilt trip is a rough one and I'm overwhelmed.

I've done the same thing to him 3 nights in a row. And it doesn't get easier.

I love him so much and everytime he gives me his lost puppy dog look, I die.

I am such a bad person. No, I'm a monster.

How I can do this to him over and over again, I will never know.

Tonight will be the third night in a row I leave my puppy son at home alone.

I should be shot.

Catchups

I'm a really happy camper this week!

Dad has flown to Australia (omg, YAY!!!) and so I'd have the use of my rather abused computer for at least the next 2 weeks.

Everyone has been really nice to me recently and my mind sure is boggled. Not like I am complaining.

I've been going out with different people throughout the week and I am enjoying it!

Like last night. I went to a pub about 10 rocks' throws away from my place to meet up with X [identity undisclosed because I don't wanna get him into trouble -he's on such a tight leash].

I wouldn't exactly say I had fun but it sure was different.....being in a ehm...different pub and all.
We left when X got drunk and when I turned down a total stranger's ride home. That is the good thing about patronising a joint near my place. Everybody will get to know everybody and everybody will be living near everybody so everybody can give lifts to everybody.

I received another one of his [X's] 'I-daren't-act-stupid-in-front-of-your-face-but-can-be-incredibly-so-otherwise' text messages after he sent me home [in a cab]. He claimed he felt like touching me 'and all that' earlier. Instead of being offended, I was rather amused. He must be frustrated, if you know what I mean. Haha. That's just weak.

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I went for a 2.10am film with Max on Friday (technically Saturday).

[the part of this entry has been deleted because I found out Max reads my journal and it's not nice to say mean things about people who reads your journal because it'd make them cry]

Suffice to say, he managed to irritate the shit out of me more than 5 times in less than 3 hours. And all while we're watching the movie. But still, it was a good night. With a good friend.

********************************************************************************

Saturday, I met up with Candice and Max (WHY? DO I NOT LEARN?!). We headed to ICB and because Candice found Asahi disgusting halfway through her bottle, we decided to do the right thing and moved our asses to Holland Village.

There, we had a brilliant time catching up.

The end of the night was gruelling. Max, sorry dude, but I just have to tell.

I asked Max if he was going to send me home and he asked instead that I accompany him to meet up some friends of his. I agreed on the condition they don't take too long coz I was already half asleep.

So we sent Candice home and for a while, I was really envious that she needn't go along to meet his friends [she lives near where Max was to meet his friends]. I knew I should've gotten my ass on a cab at Holland Village when I had the chance. It was too late for that. I was already miles away from my place.

We reached Attica and waited outside while Max jabbed intensely on his keypad every one minute or so. It was around half an hour before we saw the shadow of his friend. By this time, I was not a happy camper. It didn't help too that my bladder was on the verge of bursting.

So they chatted, they laughed and they took pictures while I yawned and people-watched a short distance away. Max did the obligatory introduction but I didn't speak much after that coz I was mad tired, urgently in need of the loo and thoroughly not enjoying myself at all. I knew the night was going to take a turn for the worse when another one of his friends emerged from the club.

They continued talking, laughing and taking pictures while I continued standing a short distance from them feeling like an idiot. It was mad awkward. The only time they spoke to me was to ask me to be their photographer. I smiled and obliged them.

I tried then to be proactive which was difficult because I was annoyed and tired plus I had a heavy bladder. I took their pictures and said 'Damn, I'm good. The pictures are well-taken!' I even added a little skip. I didn't want them to think I was rude or nasty just coz I happened to meet them when I was at my most tired.

Unfortunately, they didn't seem too interested. As a matter of fact, I can't even remember them saying 'thank you' after they got their pictures taken [by me]. Maybe they did, but heck, I don't recall.

So they abruptly resumed their chatter after the photo-shoot while I continued to test the strength of my bladder. I know I could've just gone to the Ladies but I didn't know where it was and I didn't feel like interrupting them.

God tried to help a little by spraying us with drizzles. I turned to Max and caught him at a rare pause before I snapped gently 'It's beginning to rain. Think we should go'.

He gave me a patronising look and turned nonchalantly back to his friends. The fire in me nearly extinguished the strong waves against my bladder when I heard him ask his friends MORE questions.

I was not happy and people who knows me knows I can never hide how I feel. It's almost always written all over my face. That was probably why Max finally informed his friends it's time to call it a night.

To my horror, his friend tried to coax him into staying/going somewhere else. They were pretty inconsiderate if they thought I was gonna be a ghost the whole night, tagging along, unspoken to.
Max did the nice thing and we left. He was polite enough to thank me for coming along and he told me too that he appreciated it. That made me feel better tons. I've also learnt how words (harsh or gentle) can really make or break a situation.

All my annoyance with Max disappeared because at least he was polite and nice about it.

We dashed for the Ladies [after 5 minutes of looking for it] and damn, did I feel goooooooooooooooooodddd.

We got home near 5am and pooped became an understatement.

Cuteness Animalified

Isn't he beautiful? He is the only one who can create a hole in my $75 blouse and I wouldn't and couldn't stay angry for more than a minute.

I don't know how to upload pictures to the places they should be so I think I shall end this post now before I make a stupider fool of myself than I already am.

End.

Random Shit

The week just passed saw alot happening.

Loads of alcohol as usual. Was doing a daily at one point.

Friday was spent at a midnight film with Candice and her entourage. We caught Flight Plan which was not too bad I guess. Although unfortunately, the legal eagle in me spotted a ton of loopholes in the story. Went to Balaclava after the film for drinks with the girls. Well, not before getting lost in the giant-of-a-carpark with Candice who thought she was being smart when she decided to stray away from the rest of the obviously smarter gang.

Got to Balaclava late as a result and therefore had to force myself to down 3 bottles of Buds in 20 mins.

*********************************************************************************

Beyond's concert on Saturday night was a major letdown. We got there late at around 8.20pm but were just in time for the band to take the stage.

I got mad-pissed at the idiots who stood on their seats but hell, what was I gonna do? Ain't gonna elaborate on the concert coz it's not worth the trouble. But.

1) I paid $300 for 'em stupid tickets only to end up at the last row of the premier section.
2) Those around me must've got their tickets free coz they sat through the whole performance so I stuck out like a sore thumb when I stood up.
3) The couple next to me made out while the band played.
4) I tried to snap some pictures only to capture the fans' greasy heads and ugly hands.
5) The band, on a whole, was rather insincere. It was a 'get it over and done with' attitude.
6) The band warned that they would play only the scheduled set of songs so 'please don't ask for encore'
7) The band meant it and left the audience screaming for more (why some people cannot grasp 'please don't ask for encore', I can never understand) as the stagehands started dismantling the stage.
8) The night heard a set of songs I wouldn't have picked. The good songs were stupidly left out.
9) The band hardly sang (15 songs max) and when they did, it was out of pitch, out of tune and out of whatever it can be out of.
10) When they didn't sing, they showed a projection clip of past concerts, interviews, album covers, news clippings and what-have-yous. Did I mention that noone could read the words on it coz the words came on for a mere 3 seconds before they flashed away?

I adore Beyond and admire their talent but what transpired on Saturday night must definitely be the weakest and lamest effort to end their 22-year-old career. They didn't go out with a bang. They went out with a soft thud.

That must be one of the nastiest ways to spend $300.

So, I just had to go for a drink after the concert.

Met A at ICB and then met another A

I can't be specific coz it's supposed to be a secret. And it's also supposed to be a secret that A wanted to make out with me (he didn't get to, of course, coz I was not stupid enough).

Woops. Hope I didn't get anyone into trouble.

Tyrone was sweet enough to come meet me near closing. We proceeded to Moh Sultan where I didn't exactly have a good time coz he brought me to this pub having a foam party and I felt left out, being the only one not in a sexy two-piece. Maybe for the good of mankind really.....haha.

Tyrone sure had a way with words but dang, my non-stupidity spoilt it again.

So I left to meet Aaron who was spinning nearby.

We had a brief chat before I took a cab home for the night.

Woke up with a nasty hangover but plenty of good cuddling time with my li'l pup.

Poor Arm Update

The bruise is spreading like a bushfire.

It looks an unhealthy greenish grey now with patches of dark maroon. Hey, it looks like a map! Dark maroon lines look really like major roads.

My mom insisted I must have got punched hard. She didn't believe a bite could leave such a hideous mark. But it was a bite. No, I think it was two because I can see two sets of teeth marks.
Actually she's right. It does look like someone punched the crap outta my arm. I look like a domestically-violenced spouse.

In fact, it's so bad I actually comtemplated taking legal action.

But I dropped the idea and decided to take this as a very painful (literally) lesson.

I know I must sound like I'm whining but I am really furious about being harmed by someone I didn't even like in the first place.

I would've been happy to get bitten twice over if it was Axl. I want AXL, not ALeX.

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Got 3 SMSes from Aaron just. He said he wouldn't call me ever again because I always fail to return calls. He called me irresponsible. :(

Ouch.

But how do you reject someone for lunch 3 days in a row? He should know I hate going out in the day. Moreover, I have something on tonight already. He's going to work at 7pm and blah.....timing's just fucked.

Rock and hard place.

That aside though, I do have a problem with getting back to people. I am working on it hey!

I don't even get back to Candice and J and these two are my top people.

Coming back, maybe I'd have to initiate a trip down to where Aaron's spinning to make a personal apology.

Not tonight though. And not tomorrow night. Busy busy weekend ahead.

Maybe next week. Hope he'd have cooled down somewhat by then.

I know it's my bad. I think I'd just give him a call now.

Or maybe tomorrow.

The Good & Bad

And I was stupid enough to say yes when Alex asked me out for a drink. I thought since we haven't met up in like 7-8 years, why not? Last night I found out WHY NOT.

Everything went well until the bottles got cleared one by one, rather quickly.

I got intoxicated as usual and did something stupid like leaving my bag in the Ladies. I didn't even realise my bag was not with me the whole time!

When I made a trip to the Ladies, I brought my bag with me coz it's really not wise at all to leave ANYTHING you don't wanna lose with Alex. Seriously.

And then I left the Ladies without taking my bag (which was hung in front of my face) with me.

Time passed and we decided to leave.

I realised my bag wasn't with me and naturally suspected Alex had got something to do with it. Until I realised he didn't make a dash for the exit.

I asked all my friends and a couple of waiters and they all were quite worried for me because it was a WHOLE bag (bless 'em). Not just a purse or a cellphone.

Michael then said he didn't see me bring my bag out of but he noticed I brought my bag into the Ladies (my, how observant!).

I rushed into the cubicle I had used and voila!

I hugged my bag and checked its content. Everything was intact.

Thank goodness I retrieved everything even though I left my bag in there for at least half an hour. I thank God too that the place wasn't packed last night! What a dolt.

Oh did I mention Alex the sonofabitch bit me on my upper arm?

It hurt alot then but it fuckin hurts more now.

Lemme just illustrate how painful and hard a bite it was. IMMEDIATELY after his bloody teeth left my flesh, there were bright red marks on it. Even when I cut myself with my fingernails once, it took a while for the marks to appear!

I showed a few of my friends the marks and they actually gasped. I should've called the police. This is bodily harm.

After I got home, my mom noticed the marks straightaway even though the lights in her bedroom were turned off.

She thought I fought with someone because the patch of marks was huge.

I had to show her I wasn't bruised anywhere else and therefore could not have been in a fight.

My left upper arm is now severely bruised and freakin' swollen with his ugly teeth mark tattooed on my flawless but flabby arm. Even a slight touch hurts like crazy. I couldn't sleep last night without jolting up from the pain each time I rested on that part of my arm.

My mom was furious and wanted to make lampshades out of Alex's ass.

And this is why I hate going out with Alex. He doesn't behave like a gentleman at all. And he doesn't give a shit what your gender is. I always end up in pain when I'm with him. He used to pull and tug me like a ragdoll with the strength of a typical fat man. More than a decade later, he's still the same.

Even I do not bite that hard (although J might disagree) and my nickname's Sharky. Alex really used his might on my arm and fuck, I could've died from the pain alone, much less rabies.

I have decided never to meet up with him ever again. If you cannot treat a girl like a girl, do not go out with one. Asswipe.

On the bright side, I met Aaron who was DJing at the joint. Someone I knew for many many years. He put on GN'R's 'Night Train' specially for me and also updated me on mutual friends. Alan (my ex-boyfriend) got married to a gorgeous Vietnamese-Chinese in Melbourne (okok I got the drift). Jess committed suicide.

I was never close to Jess. I mean, it did feel weird when she confided in me once about how much she liked Alan who happened to be my boyfriend then. She then snubbed me when my relationship with Alan got stronger.

But still.

I cannot believe she's dead.

She took some drugs and leapt off a building.

Some of us just didn't manage to break free from the drugs I guess.

Didn't probe Aaron for more information because she was his ex-girlfriend and I thought it might not be too nice. Truth be told though, Aaron didn't seem too bothered.

So Aaron sent me home on his trusty scrambler after supper. I was really grateful because he lives all the way at the other end of the island. How sweet. Utterly sweet.

Oh yea, I lost my earring again! I hate getting all tipsy and losing stuff (heh).

So I guess it's a good and bad night. Didn't enjoy Alex's company but welcomed Aaron's. Found my bag but lost my earring.

I guess the scale's tipped over to the good.

Oh wait, no. I have the mother of all hangovers now and I'm to go to town with my mom in 2 hours.

This is no good.

I feel like throwing up now.


PS: I know this post doesn't flow well but hell, you try writing with a hangover and an ugly man beside you pressuring you to hurry up and hand over the computer.

And It Is Enough.

That you remembered the 'elevator' incident.

That you thought about me and the times we had.

That you thought that was a 'fun and crazy trip'.

When I never thought you'd remember ANYTHING from 7 years ago.

Most importantly, omgomgomg.

It's way more than enough for me to know that the first pair of lips yours ever met were mine.

It blew my mind. How could someone as fine as yourself ...... I would never have expected or suspected.

And this all makes it ok that I am not the one in your life now.

It even makes it ok that I could've, would've and should've been the one in your life now.

For we have some kickass memories I doubt she or any other could give you.

Maybe we'd meet again on a train to France Before Sunrise.

Maybe.

Sha 1 Max 0

Max got up just for a second, convinced I am the most powerful girl in the whole universe.

He got defeated tonight.

It's 5.36am and I'm still downing my Jims.

He's been knocked out since 2 hours ago, although he thought the 'Urban Legend: Bloody Mary' DVD he slipped in would distract me from that fact for a while.

Damn, his aircon is stroooong and I'm shivering.

He got my mind off my unhappiness tonight and I am grateful.

Nothing like hanging out with an old friend.

Although it would've been wicked if RMH was around.

Where art thou my Romeo?

Ok, gotta wake him up in a while. I wanna go home already.

Why do guys always fall asleep when they drink? Bummer.

Sha 1 Max 0

Your Stupid Girlfriend Tells You

Am at RMH's house at the mo.

Spent the whole time with Max instead coz RMH's girlfriend's too uptight about me being here.

RMH MSNed me (from his room upstairs) about wanting to join us for a drink but his stupid girlfriend wouldn't hear of it.

Someone pass me the AK47.

Some girls oughta be shot. Cold.

We invited her to come drink with us but I guess that wouldn't do. Coz RMH will definitely fall in love with me and will probably make out with me too after one drink.

Sheesh.

Now Max is snoring on his bed. Great.

PS: RMH darling, you know this post is just josh yea? I'm sure your girlfriend's cool and really pretty too. I hadda be 'mean' coz that's just my kinda humor. Heck, why am I explaining? You know me. I hope.

Same Soul, Different World.

We are both in the deepest pit of hell.

Yet, we are both trying to climb out of it away from each other.

It matters not that I am not making sense. I just need to get some things down for my own reasons.

It's a trying time for us both and even if we can't be there for each other, let me hope we have enough arms around us to hold onto.

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My dad closed off all my Messenger conversations a few days ago without my knowledge nor permission when he ungraciously took over the computer (also without my knowledge nor permission when I got momentarily distracted by my dog and his poo).

We had an ugly fight because I felt like he was not according me the respect I deserved as an individual (there's more to this story but I shan't go on since it's pretty pointless and I reserve really personal stories for really personal friends). For the record though, my dad doesn't believe fathers should respect their children.

Whatever it was, I managed to get back in front of the computer 4 days later. I opened up all my Messenger logs to check who messaged me that night (I have over 100 logs so it wasn't really funny).

I know I didn't have to go through all the trouble......but for some reason, I did.

Then I stumbled across his.

I knew there was no way in heaven or hell he'd ever message me but I opened his log anyways.

I read the whole log. Top to bottom. Every single word.

My initial smile slowly disappeared as I perused the last few cold lines he's to ever type me.

How did we ever end up like this?

Was there no way we could've been friends?

.................

I guess there was no way we could've been friends.

Just for a while, I missed him.

Then I clicked the small white cross at the upper right hand corner of my screen.

And I moved on.

And I Am...

...officially in hell right now.

Will be checking into a hotel soon for a much-needed booze party.

Drop me a tinker or two if you are interested. I must know you. I don't need to like you though.

And. You don't even have to bring alcohol.

How cool is that?

You better take advantage of my state of mind right now.

Life is a bastard so we might as well all be drunk through it.

'The world owes me so fuck you'. - Green Day