I Cannot Love
This is hilarious. This was written 4 days ago. It was drafted and I decided to publish it just for the heck of it.
'Can someone tell me the answer? Can someone tell me what to do? Can someone not leave things up to me?
I am so tired of making the wrong decisions in life.
My heart and mind are and forever will be at odds with each other. How do I get them to get along?
Maybe I should explain. I found out a few years back I suffer from the inability to love. I don't know how. I just do not feel deep enough for anyone to love them. Even when I did feel deeply, it's mostly temporary.
It can be so unfair. I envy friends who have/had a 'love of their life'. I can only look on and wish I had their nostalgia.
'Which boyfriend did you love most?' I always get asked. I'd have to pretend to have had 'that one relationship' and would inevitably mumble the name of the ex I was with the longest. But truth be told, I didn't love him. Although it took me a good few years to realise that. He is still the one I was most passionate about though.
I want to love. I want to be able to tell of 'the one who got away, the love of my life'.
Unfortunately, it's too hard.
I remember someone once screamed at me in tears 'If you cannot love, can you please stop getting into relationships?! It's evil! I hate you so much!'
Needless to say, I didn't mean for things to turn out this way.
If I knew how love felt, maybe I would've known better and steered clear of relationships. But I always think I am in love until it's too late.
So right now, I am lost.
He's on my mind but not in my heart. He's in my heart but not on my mind. Who do I love? Do you know? Because I don't.
I need to make an important decision, yet I cannot go to the one closest to me.
Can someone be so close and so distant at the same time?
What am I feeling? How do I feel? How is it possible I not know?
Is he more important or am I?
It's miserable not to love. It's so painful hurting people you care about.
Those of you in love/who have been in love, you don't know how lucky you are. I wish I could too.
Bummer.'
'Can someone tell me the answer? Can someone tell me what to do? Can someone not leave things up to me?
I am so tired of making the wrong decisions in life.
My heart and mind are and forever will be at odds with each other. How do I get them to get along?
Maybe I should explain. I found out a few years back I suffer from the inability to love. I don't know how. I just do not feel deep enough for anyone to love them. Even when I did feel deeply, it's mostly temporary.
It can be so unfair. I envy friends who have/had a 'love of their life'. I can only look on and wish I had their nostalgia.
'Which boyfriend did you love most?' I always get asked. I'd have to pretend to have had 'that one relationship' and would inevitably mumble the name of the ex I was with the longest. But truth be told, I didn't love him. Although it took me a good few years to realise that. He is still the one I was most passionate about though.
I want to love. I want to be able to tell of 'the one who got away, the love of my life'.
Unfortunately, it's too hard.
I remember someone once screamed at me in tears 'If you cannot love, can you please stop getting into relationships?! It's evil! I hate you so much!'
Needless to say, I didn't mean for things to turn out this way.
If I knew how love felt, maybe I would've known better and steered clear of relationships. But I always think I am in love until it's too late.
So right now, I am lost.
He's on my mind but not in my heart. He's in my heart but not on my mind. Who do I love? Do you know? Because I don't.
I need to make an important decision, yet I cannot go to the one closest to me.
Can someone be so close and so distant at the same time?
What am I feeling? How do I feel? How is it possible I not know?
Is he more important or am I?
It's miserable not to love. It's so painful hurting people you care about.
Those of you in love/who have been in love, you don't know how lucky you are. I wish I could too.
Bummer.'
posted by Sharry at 4:26:00 AM
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