I See Myself
The best friend told me I've changed. All those years in Britain did something for me. She said I am now happier, more mature, more considerate, less self-centred and other positive mentions.
I asked her how different I was. What kinda person was I before I boarded the first plane for Britain?
She gave me a few examples but basically that I was not a happy person. Darkly negative with an obscene amount of paranoia towards my fellow human beings. I hated everyone and if there was a dark side, I'd probably not only have joined it but ruled it.
I remember once when a colleague offered me a biscuit at tea, I took a step back, looked at the biscuit as if my colleague's hand was disintergrating from the amount of poison seeping out the pores of that evil snack and snapped 'WHY?'. She looked at me confused with a hint of misguided guilt. I was convinced she was out to harm me. With a biscuit.
I never trusted anyone and I curse those who made me the person I was.
Nyways, I knew all these but didn't realise it was that noticeable. Especially didn't expect the best friend to have caught on because I always try to wear a smile for her when we meet. It must have been that bad.
Things apparently changed when I went over to the UK. I had the worst period of my life (probably) there but at the same time, met someone who would change me. He really was and still is my other leg, my other hand. I need him. I never could've been happy without him. He regained for everyone my trust. I trust him with my life in return.
Because of this, it makes me wonder about the kind of person I am now. How I could do the things I do. How ungrateful I can be to the person who changed me. A change so obvious even the best friend pause and smile more now when we meet.
Do you sometimes wonder what kinda person you are? When you needn't lie to the person who asked you?
Why? Is it because I am still self-centred? Still the same afterall? If not, why?
What kind of person am I? Do I have an excuse? Is it good enough? Good enough in my eyes or his?
Coming back and without him now, I'd probably get back to how I was before. But the difference now is, at least I was happy once and I was a 'good' person.
I'm sorry. Sorry for not being able to stay the same.
Or have I always been the same?
I asked her how different I was. What kinda person was I before I boarded the first plane for Britain?
She gave me a few examples but basically that I was not a happy person. Darkly negative with an obscene amount of paranoia towards my fellow human beings. I hated everyone and if there was a dark side, I'd probably not only have joined it but ruled it.
I remember once when a colleague offered me a biscuit at tea, I took a step back, looked at the biscuit as if my colleague's hand was disintergrating from the amount of poison seeping out the pores of that evil snack and snapped 'WHY?'. She looked at me confused with a hint of misguided guilt. I was convinced she was out to harm me. With a biscuit.
I never trusted anyone and I curse those who made me the person I was.
Nyways, I knew all these but didn't realise it was that noticeable. Especially didn't expect the best friend to have caught on because I always try to wear a smile for her when we meet. It must have been that bad.
Things apparently changed when I went over to the UK. I had the worst period of my life (probably) there but at the same time, met someone who would change me. He really was and still is my other leg, my other hand. I need him. I never could've been happy without him. He regained for everyone my trust. I trust him with my life in return.
Because of this, it makes me wonder about the kind of person I am now. How I could do the things I do. How ungrateful I can be to the person who changed me. A change so obvious even the best friend pause and smile more now when we meet.
Do you sometimes wonder what kinda person you are? When you needn't lie to the person who asked you?
Why? Is it because I am still self-centred? Still the same afterall? If not, why?
What kind of person am I? Do I have an excuse? Is it good enough? Good enough in my eyes or his?
Coming back and without him now, I'd probably get back to how I was before. But the difference now is, at least I was happy once and I was a 'good' person.
I'm sorry. Sorry for not being able to stay the same.
Or have I always been the same?
posted by Sharry at 4:51:00 PM
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