Anger

She was mad. In an angry sort of way. Tonight was a disaster.

It shouldn't be but it was.

Afterall, she was out with two of the more important people in her life.

It was supposed to be a good night. No, a great night. It turned out to be anything but.

She was angry. Angry at her best friend for denying her basic courtesy and respect. 'How difficult, how fucking difficult is it to stop hurting the one you're supposed to care about?' she thought.

No matter how close two people are, any fucking purpose is defeated if their being together hurts one party no end.

She reached home suffocated. From the layer of mask she was forced to wear tonight.

Why can't she be angry when she feels anger? She's tired and had enough of suppressing her volcano of an emotion all in the name of being a best friend. It was so not worth it. She grimaced.
She's still angry. Angry with the two people who carelessly disregarded her feelings tonight.

'He's important but dispensable. I can always replace him. But she, how could she?' she thought as she guzzled her fourth bottle of Heineken.

She knew she should have kept her appointment with another to be somewhere else. She felt stupid for keeping this one just to have her pride torn right apart.

She took out her Mont Blanc and scribbled furiously on the torn piece of serviette.

'I hate you. For belittling me and making me look like the fool in front of the guy I was supposed to be dating. You never tried to understand how that would make me feel. You always felt it was your right to grab my pride and smash it into smithereens. No, we are not close at all. We're only close enough for me to get hurt repeatedly. We are in an unhealthy friendship where it is always my feelings in exchange for your ego trip. I am exhausted. I want this to end. I don't want and don't need a best friend. I wanna be angry when I am angry. I don't want to hold my anger just so you can get away with hurting me.

And you always criticise the people I date. They are horrible, they are ugly, they are basically freaks. Have you thought about how I'd feel? That you meant I was dating such abhorrent creatures? I had enough respect to shut my face when you introduced that balding, lisping mess who looked like he fries his hair before he goes to bed every night. When will you ever learn to shut yours? When will you realise it's not your fuckin problem who I date or see? Why don't you take your bloody opinions and shove them up your shithole? Give me them only when they are respectful. You fuckin disrespectful piece of asswipe.'

She inhaled and then exhaled so hard it became an angry sigh. She put down her pen and stared at the empty bottles of Heineken in front of her. Her eyes reddened. She asked the waitress for another piece of serviette. Then she wrote.

'You too. You are a sorry excuse for a man. The anger is there but the hate is not. You never meant enough to me to justify any. I just thought what you said earlier was extremely inconsiderate. You take the good with the bad, the rough with the smooth. You can't have the cake and eat it too unless the cake's poisoned. I have zero respect for you because I think you are a wuss. You let fear control and manipulate common courtesy. '

She flipped the serviette over and continued.

'Wish I didn't have to see the both of you in the cold light of day. Life is so much easier without people like you in it. And that's how it should be'

She slumped her tired self into the chair. After two minutes, she grabbed the pieces of written-on serviettes and pushed them into her empty pocket.

'You know something is wrong when you hate your best friend' she mumbled loud enough only for herself to hear. Then she gave a wry smile before asking the lovely waitress for the bill.